An Appreciation of Good Food

Before I get too involved with this entry, let me get this out of the way (I dont want what I have to share to be the focal point of my blog but its important for this particular entry). I am recovering from anorexia nervosa. I have been battling this for a long time. I have come a long way and still have a ways to go, but one of the things I am learning and struggling to do is to find a healthy respect and appreciation for food (as well as my body, mind, and spirit). I have developed many fears, beliefs, and misconceptions around food as well as rituals and rules that I am trying to untangle. Some of it comes from a society that is quite dysfunctional about food and body, mind, spirit. Some of it is my own doing, some genetic, most of my illness has little to do with food itself but food and body became a weapon, a means to cope with life and a perceived way to control some little part of it when everything felt out of control.


I used to hate cooking and was terrible at it. For years I ate prepackaged food and I payed little attention to food in general, except to avoid foods that seemed to irritate my sensitive digestion. I really didnt like food much. As my eating disorder began to develop, I became more and more intrigued and obsessed with food, nutrition, and cooking and/or preparing absolutely everything. I remember baking and cooking elaborate dishes for parties at work, for my boyfriend, for holiday get togethers with family, yet never consuming any of it myself. I began to cook and prepare all of my food myself, with rules and stipulations about what I allowed myself to consume. I have since learned that it is ok to eat some of these "elaborate" dishes myself and to "sample" things I make. Its ok to celebrate food, to appreciate its texture and color and aroma and the energy and nourishment and sometimes yes comfort it provides. Food is more than just a necessary component for survival and health. For millions of years it has been at the center of social gatherings and major life events. It has served as a significant symbol of many religious and spiritual events etc througout the Holy Bible, the Koran, the Torah, in Native American culture. Food itself is a form of life, not simply a stagnant object to be eaten or avoided, not something to label and judge as good or bad. It has to come from somewhere, and it is grown, killed, cultivated, processed, prepared, shipped, packaged, etc by many hard working hands. Food in its most natural form, gathered and shaped and prepared with one's own hands, can sometimes be the most rewarding food to be eaten and appreciated, because one is aware of the work involved to put it on the table and/or where it came from. There is a primal connection there, maybe not on a conscious level but there is a relationship between hunter/gatherer and the food that once lived (be it a plant or animal etc). Have you ever stared into the eyes of a fish or deer that you eventually ate? Or picked succulant raspberries off a wild bush on a mountain? Or pulled carrots from your own garden and prepared them?

But even packaged processed food far removed and changed from its source has its place. We dont have to work as hard as our ancestors did for our food. There is such an abundance of food everywhere in the western society that I live in. Sometimes it can be overwhelming. I dont understand why people have to starve to death in some places while food is wasted or taken for granted in other parts. I think its a bit more complicated than simply giving more food to the
needy. If only it were that simple but there is so much hate, politics, predjudice, greed, etc in the world that even those with the best intentions have a hard time breaking through this invisible wall that stands in the way of good intentions. Sometimes too we experiment and mess around with nature and take food too far in the name of convenience and cost savings. Sometimes it cant be helped.


But I digress. I dont know if this is eating disordered behavior, but I began to photograph some of the foods I have made/prepared over the last few years. Sometimes I am proud of my creations, sometimes I enjoy how they look visually, sometimes I am just excited to be able to share what I have made and eaten because I enjoyed it and it was healthy or a rare treat or just darn good. Some of these foods are from recipes I have gotten off blogs or websites. A few are my own creations. I thought I would share some of these photographs here for others to enjoy. I guess this is my way of celebrating good food and celebrating another victory over my eating disorder. I hope you enjoy these pics! I apologize that many of them arent the best quality as they were taken with a cell phone camera. One of these days I will acquire a digital camera with my limited budget.









1/2 whole wheat english muffin with mackeral and fennel seed and cooked bulgur wheat with fresh blueberries and cinammon for breakfast


honey oat whole wheat bread I made by hand (from a recipe) for Easter 2010

Honey Oat Whole Wheat Bread

cubed ham, carrots, yellow squash, kale, and mushrooms over white rice for dinner; my own mix thrown together

4oz tilapia fillets with fresh steamed spinach and a mixture of Minnesota grown wild rice and brown rice with seasonings (almond milk on the side there) for dinner

mesculin lettuce (grown myself), roma tomato, hard boiled egg, and parmesan cheese along with couscous cooked in milk with cinammon for breakfast

scrambled tofu, fresh sauteed spinach and tomato, minced garlic clove, soy sauce, and spices

raw soaked and expanded buckwheat groats (NOT toasted or roasted first) with honey and cinammon

The above two dishes together for my well rounded breakfast

mediteranian cod and veggies (I believe there is zuchini, mushroom, tomato, onion in there over rice) for dinner

White beans (from dry...soaked overnight then cooked), frozen steamed brocoli, salsa, parmesan cheese for lunch

Pearled barley with chopped dates, honey, cinammon for breakfast

Greek pita pizza (from recipe) with cherry tomatoes, black olives, fresh basil leaves, feta cheese and parmesan cheese on foldover white pita bread brushed with olive oil

see above

boneless skinless chicken strips sauteed with green bell pepper, onion, mushroom with canned diced tomatoes over long grain white rice (my own mix of ingredients thrown together)

whole wheat french toast with raspberry jam and grapes and peach for breakfast

another version of the greek pita pizzas

venison ground beef (from boyfriend's brother in law who hunts and prepares the meat), pineapple, green beans, wild rice for dinner

Orange chiffon cake I made for a retirement party at work (from a recipe)

another view of cake

My first made from scratch (everything except the pumpkin that was canned) pumpkin pie

Sausage, cheese, mushroom quiche I made for Easter 2009

breakfast of plain yogurt with flaxmeal and fresh blueberries, and a tortilla with hard boiled egg and salsa

another breakfast with fresh orange slices and a homemade whole wheat tortilla (I ended up making it way too thick but it was still good) with scrambled egg and shredded chedder cheese and spices (cummin, garlic?); coffee on the side there

traditional loaves of homemade (I made these by hand not a bread machine) white bread for Easter 2009

Are you hungry yet?